I trust my husband. He has proven himself faithful. How? By loving me and protecting me, unconditionally. Even at his own expense. Every decision he makes is thought through to the best of his ability to see what is best for ME and for our family. He is not perfect, but he IS trustworthy.
I trust my Dad. From the time I was a little bitty baby (ok 10 pounds 4 ounces isn’t so little…) he has taken care of me. He put our needs before his own to make sure we were fed, clothed and cared for. He has loved and protected me. He looks out for me and thinks of me, and when he can help me, he does it. He has my best interest at heart. I know that, because I know his character and I know his heart.
My baby died. I cry just typing that. I really can’t believe that it’s a true statement yet. I wish I could backspace it right off this page. I hate that I never got to hold him or tell him I loved him. I struggle with the fact that the whole world is going on and on like nothing happened, when MY BABY DIED. But you know what comforts me? It’s not my husband, or my Dad, or even my Mom. It’s trust.
I trust God. That sounds so cliché. I trust my heavenly Father. He has proven Himself faithful. How? By loving and protecting me, unconditionally. Even at his own expense. Every decision he makes is thought through to see what is best for ME and for our family. He looks out for me and thinks of me, and when he can help me, he does it. He has my best interest at heart. I know that, because I know His character and I know his heart. Sounds familiar….He loves me in the same ways my husband does, but perfectly. He is my Groom too. I wear a beautiful ring on my right hand to remind me of my Groom’s love for me. Today it reminds me to trust His love for me. I’m walking through this life with only partial knowledge. I explained it to Cassidy this way: It’s like we are walking through an obstacle course blindfolded. We are given a guide who can see. Do I listen to my guide? Or do I go by what I feel? I feel sadness. But my Guide, who knows EVERYTHING, made a decision, and I now have the choice to trust Him, or to just feel SAD and question Him. What if my Protector knew that there was a blood clot waiting to take MY life in the next few months or during childbirth? I am His joy and His song. He adores me, and wants what is best for me. ALL His gifts are good and perfect. This baby boy is good and perfect. He is not in my arms, but he is in the arms of my first love. His eternity is settled. I trust that God made the best decision for me and for my family. I mourn the plans I had for this baby in this life, but I rejoice in the plans that God has for my baby and my family. He loves me, and my hope is in Him alone.
I’ve been blessed with a husband, a Daddy and a Father who love me so amazingly well. I will trust that although I am blind, He can see... and through my tears, I will lift my hands to the God who created my inmost being and loves me and protects me, even when it hurts. And oh how I pray that my songs of praise during this time bring Him all the glory He deserves.